Look, the Moon!
Written September 6, 2016:
The moon was so big last night,
I stood on the balcony with my cousin in awe..
A bright orange moon that looked like it was just sitting on top of the New York skyline.
Pictures don't do it justice,
It looks so tiny and you can't even see the color in this picture but I swear..
It was orange/red.
So many signs that you are still here.
Thank you for sending them, thank you for making me smile.
I'm sorry I've been crying but my heart felt crushed. It still feels crushed but for some reason, after seeing that insane sunset and then the moon... I feel a sliver of peace sneaking in. I know I'll still cry, still mourn the fact that you're no longer physically here. But, I also know that if in the first 48 hrs you sent this many gifts from heaven.. that we all still have a lot to look forward to.
And as much as it pains me, I can't wait to see what other gifts you send from heaven.
Whenever I am dealing with anything whether its a bad day with Lyme, a good day or a loss.. I write.
Most times I just write in my notes app on my phone and completely forget it's there.. only to find it weeks or even months later. Writing is a form of therapy for me that I've always felt shy sharing with the world. Up until recently, I'd keep most of my writing to myself and to my private @mylymediary account on Instagram. But recently I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone.. and then my friend passed away. When I first found out, so many thoughts began flooding my head. But the only thoughts I knew would help were that I needed to write and paint. Unfortunately I was in NY and didn't have any of my painting supplies with me but I did have my phone so I began to type. I'd type, tears pouring down, and put down everything I was feeling into words. It's sad, heartbreaking, strange, and then kinda interesting.. it's as if I have a little helper pushing me along and telling me it's okay to share. More than okay, it's necessary.
Today as I looked at this picture, I was trying to find the words to write.. but because my Lyme has been flaring intensely lately it has been tough. I opened my notes app just to see what I had there and sure enough, there were my thoughts.
My point is, write.
Even if you don't think you're "good" at it, write! When you can't remember your past but you have something to read that you wrote before.. it'll be worth it.
It's been a week and it still hurts, but the signs just keep coming which make it pretty impossible not to believe.
Thank you for making it so hard not to have faith.